I was only 4 pounds away from my first goal this morning! Somehow I think with the amount of crap I ate today I have probably put back on another 2 pounds. How stupid can I be? Did I really need to eat that bag of salad? I could have just settled on the small bowl I had fixed but no… I just had to get back up and get more didn’t I? I had been doing so well… I lost 6 pounds this week and now I have to start all over tomorrow. Oh well… I had given myself till the end of May to get to my first goal and now that I am almost there I would like to see if I can lose 14-20 pounds by then instead of the 4 I needed. My weight loss has been slacking for the past few months, only 25 pounds since the middle of January but now that the scale is moving fast again, the gloves have come off and it’s full speed ahead! It is kind of strange when I look back on how far I have come but since I look at myself everyday I haven’t been able to see it. I remember when I couldn’t fit into the jeans I wore when I was 17. I remember how happy I was when 1 ½ years ago I could get them buttoned again and now I can pull them on without even unbuttoning them and yet that does nothing for me. Around 80 pounds lost and you would think that would make me happy… of course it doesn’t. I always said how I would stop when I got into a 12-14 and now that I can I want to be able to get into a size 8 or 10. I guess this is the nature of the beast, and if you can’t beat it you may as well learn to live comfortably with it. Enjoy the moments of peace and the thrill of what happens in the chaos. So this is me, no more fighting it, no more feeling sorry for it, just sitting back and seeing where it will take me. Yeah so that is where I have been the last couple of weeks. Trying to fight off the full return of my little friend but in the end I decided it was no use. The fight just made me tired and cranky and the benefits have brought me back that rush that I have been missing. Sometimes you just get sick of thinking and the numbness this brings is a welcome thing. Hopefully this time I can lose what I need before I start feeling ill again, extra sleep and vitamins should keep me on track. I don’t have anyone around to stop me now, no one to tell me I am smarter then this and no one for me to let down by not listening. I don’t think my boyfriend will try unless I start getting ill and I love him for that. He just teases and taunts me with food because he knows I will eventually give in. :) Meanie! :D So… here’s to saying goodbye to more unwanted things in my life and hello to a new and beautiful me!

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