The nightmares last night were horrible, I can’t remember all of it but it has left me with a sense of fear that hasn’t left me all day. I feel almost catatonic, like there is nothing but pain. My body keeps twitching, tensing up, I can’t eat, I haven’t the will to do anything but sit here and write but I feel too empty to come up with words to explain what this is like. I went shopping tonight but only because I had to or the kids would have nothing for the week. I used up the last of our supplement money I had saved up, I think I am scared, I am not sure? I have a mixture of panic, on the verge of tears feeling, extreme paranoia; it is almost like I am almost out of air. Maybe I know I am going to die and this is the body’s last struggling breaths, maybe I am afraid I am going to live and this is never going to end or go away. I keep listening to music to try and bring me round but it isn’t working. I am tired but so afraid of falling asleep, I don’t want another night like last night. There has to be an end to this, there has to be some comfort. How long can a person be expected to live through this. Why can’t I save myself this time?

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