Last night when I was sleeping my dreams was filled with utter chaos. Nothing made sense, and things were all a blur. I was running from something or someone. My life, my family, the kids... everything that caused any small amount of stress was there dressed in outfits to hide who they were. I woke up this morning to the realization that the chaos is ending again.

The last two weeks have been extremely hard on me. Work was getting way too much, too demanding on me. Not the workload but one of the people in the office. They were treating me as if I was nothing but a hired servant. For the past month this person has been harping on me for everything, even when it wasn't my fault. They made me feel as if I didn't matter to the organization I work for. I began to be afraid to come to work again, so finally I made my stand. I put in a request with my bosses that would make me feel more important to myself if I was able to get it. It was a fair deal but one that they were unable to grant. It took me awhile to come to terms with it all and to realize that it didn't mean I wasn't valued like this person made me believe but that it just wasn't something they were legally allowed to do. It is still under review though since we might have found a way but I am not holding my breath. I guess it isn't everything to have what I wanted but it would have made me feel much better. I guess I could have gone to them with it, my head bosses are very understanding and kind. I couldn't ask for better ones but at the same time I couldn't because I didn't want to start anything in the office. You see we are a small office and if you stir up the hornet’s nest it can get bad. I will just sit back and see what happens, wait to see if said person calms down. If not then I am going to have to start looking for something else or my mind is going to start to suffer again. No one wants to come into work everyday and be treated like they are nothing. I take pride in my work; I enjoy coming to work most of the time. When you lose that it just becomes a horrible task and I don't want to feel that way.

Next there was the problem with my son. He started acting up at school again; the daily calls were starting to come in. They wanted to revoke his transfer to the school and I had to fight yet again. When you are fighting one fight it makes anything else that much harder to do. Each morning I dreaded the fact that he had to go to school, I didn't want to get out of bed myself but I knew that I had to fight. I have never been a quitter and no matter how much I wanted to be I couldn't let myself be. When you become a parent it is probably one of the greatest things in life, You have this child that you love no matter what. Doesn't make it easier when they have problems but then once in awhile a child is given one that has problems. One that isn't the perfect child (not that I would want one), one that is higher strung then most. It is a daily fight with the schools to give him proper education. In the past my son has been conditioned to believe that at school he is worthless, that he can't do anything. He is always on edge that the school is going to kick him out. For a 7-year-old this is a very hard thing to cope with. He says he tries to be perfect but he is always in trouble, it has got to be one of the hardest things a mother has to hear. What do you do when you hear something like that come from your child? Well I chose the route of the fight... If I am not going to be the voice of my son then who will? It isn't going to be the school; for the most part they don't care. This time I had to endure some harsh words from the principal, she reduced me to the point that I felt like nothing. She told me she didn't know what I was doing as a parent, saying I wasn't do anything to help my son. Now you have to realize I have been fighting day and night since he was 2 1/2 years old. I have been bending over backwards to do what the schools have told me to do now I was being told I did nothing. I broke down and couldn't even get a clear thought until this past weekend.

I have been trying to figure out a way to make it all better and I think I may have come up with one but that remains to be seen. Another meeting to be scheduled and we will see where we go from there. As for today though I am feeling better about things, I am feeling like hope is coming back and that my son will finally have what is best for him instead of what is best for everyone else.

Children are special no matter what. They are these precious little gifts that we are given for 18 years. No matter how hard it may be we help to mold and shape them; we help to breathe life into them. Just because a child has problems doesn't make them less precious. I think that it makes them more precious in the end because all great gems need to be polished to find the true beauty that lies with in them.