Eight years ago today I was lying in the hospital awaiting the birth of my second son. I was twenty years old and scared to death. Would I be able to do right by this one? Was I really ready to try this all again? It wasn’t as if I had a choice though. My water had already broken and like it or not my little stranger was going to come into this world! Just past 6 in the evening William finally decided to grace me with his presence. I remember going to count fingers and toes and got shocked with the biggest feet I had ever seen on a baby! I think they were bigger then his cute little head. That night he slept next to my bed in this see-through plastic crib, all I could do was look at him and wonder how he would turn out. The next day I bundled him up and took home. He was the perfect baby, well aside from waking me up every couple hours to fulfill his tiny little wishes. After a couple days I learned to adapt to him and things worked out just fine after that. He had such a strong personality from the moment of his birth; he could make you laugh or cry with one little look. At six months he gave us the biggest scare when he started having asthma attacks and had to be rushed to the ER a few times. But… we learned to cope with it and just watched him a bit closer. At age two, boy did things change. All of a sudden my wonderful little boy was transformed into some scary little individual. When they say a kid goes psycho as soon as it reaches its second year they isn’t kidding! But… with all his baby cuddles and tiny kiss that he gave me all I could do is love him more. By three he had turned into a mini hippie, all of a sudden he didn’t want his hair cut and so began the era of the football helmet head. He was still a handful and his personality was getting stronger. He was so lovable at times and such a monster at other times. No one knew what to expect from him, not even me. By age 4 he took another turn, all of a sudden no school would keep him and the violence started. He would just attack people at school, and then come home and be the perfect child. We never understood how he could be such a terror and how hard could be it be to take care of a 4 year old! But I listened to the advice of all the teachers, other parents... everyone who swore they knew what his problem was. They dubbed him the bad seed and figured he would always be this way. So... we started with the ADHD medications to try and help him. How do you fight a child without squashing his spirit. This child was an individual who was struggling to make sense of things; he needed guidance not a jail. Unfortunatly if things went on the way they were he would probably be in jail by age 6. Age five was pretty much the same string of events but by the sixth year all hell broke loose on all ends. I had to take him off the pills because he was becoming more depressed and more violent... The schools wanted him medicated, he was deathly afraid of medication, he was afraid he would choke and I didn’t want a zombie. When he did take the pills he would become so depressed and would talk about wanting to die! Mind you… this was MY little boy, what right did they have trying to destroy him because they wanted the perfect child at school? He would get into trouble every day for fidgeting and stomping his feet. I can see where there aggravation would come in but he wasn’t a Stepford baby! You see with William you had to learn to take the good with the bad or you would go insane. He was the most caring child ever but he was always in trouble. He would cry and talk about how he tried but was never good enough at school. That was it I had to step in… The fight lasted into his seventh year. I have battled teachers, principals anyone who tried to make him something he wasn’t. If he had problems we worked through them without all the spankings. He was grounded his fair share of times but how could I hit him when he was being taught not to hit! The seventh year we took him to another counselor and they diagnosed him with an Anxiety disorder and they told us we had to allow him to grow up. That he wasn’t a baby anymore and I had to stop doing everything for him. It was probably the hardest thing I had ever heard… My child’s problems were mainly because of me. I had gotten so used to having to fight people off of him that the lines got crossed and somewhere in all that I forgot to let him do the everyday things for himself. Starting that day I continued to fight on the sidelines where he could see me but I quit doing everything, he got chores and responsibilities and the amount that he has grown is incredible. It may have been hard but I had to learn to be the shepherd and not the body guard. We still have our problems to work through with him but we are managing and things are getting better. Sometimes it is hard to not see him as a child, and others to not see him as a grown up but we are taking it one day at a time. Sometimes I wonder how we made it through those years with our sanity intact but we did… and the pay off is the most wonderful child a mother could ever want. There were days I wish I could become a run away mother and others when I almost did! The number of times I wish that I didn't have to deal with all the stuff he put me through. Nights of hiding in my room or at work so I didn't have to cope but in the end... All the pain, yelling, hair pulling... has all been worth it. He has his OWN personality, his OWN thoughts. He has his unbroken spirit still and he wants so badly to please but at the same time he is hell bent on standing on his own two feet. I have a child that can frustrate me to no end five minutes later make me the proudest mother on earth. In a way I can’t wait for him to grow up just so I can see how he turns out and on the other hand I wish he would just stay my kid forever. Happy Birthday William :D

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